the switch.

the switch. 

I recently stopped nursing Rogue and switched him to formula.
I didn't want to write this blog post but felt compelled to explain why.
Some moms might read this and go, who cares, so you formula feed, no biggie.
But I am SURROUNDED by nursing moms and at times feel judged.
(but that could very well be in my mind)
I have actually heard, "You're a stay at home mom, why wouldn't you nurse?  Have you tried x-y-z?"

So here's my story.
 
I nursed Solis for a year.  It was not easy.

She had terrible reflux and was constantly pulling on and off during her painful months.  That resulted in my supply dwindling.  She didn't gain any weight from months 3-6.  We saw so many specialists b/c my baby girl was "failure to thrive."

Solis at one of her procedures....trying to figure out why she wasn't gaining weight.

As a breastfeeding mom, I blamed myself for not being able to provide for my baby.

She never took a bottle.....

You would think we were torturing her!

 So I was left to use a supplemental nursing system that my lactation consultant gave me.  "You won't have to use this long to get your supply back," she told me.  But unfortunately my supply never came back and I used that thing from 5.5 months to the day she weaned herself at 51 weeks old.

 

That contraction was miserable.  I always clipped it to the blinds in my bedroom and sat in a chair right next to the window.  If we were at someone else's house, my husband would have to hold the device while I "nursed".  At first, we put donated breastmilk in the tube but after that ran out, we put formula in it.  The milk would always squirt out of those little tubes and go all over me, the chair, Solis.

Turns out, after an endoscopy, Solis had pretty bad erosions on her esophagus from the reflux.  At 6 months, they adjusted her meds and she slowly started to gain weight again b/c eating became less painful.  At 51 weeks, she popped herself off and started drinking milk out of a straw cup.  

Here she is just a few days after she weaned and trying to learn how to drink from a straw cup.

She was a cuddle bug during those days!

We burned the supplemental nursing system.  It was a happy day.

Then I had Rogue.  I was nervous to nurse again but he latched on great from the start and everything was going smoothly.

6 weeks into life, we began to see signs of reflux.

Not again, we prayed.

But he had it pretty bad and the same eating issues were happening again.

However unlike Solis, Rogue took a bottle.  In fact, he downed a bottle of formula so fast and continued to take a bottle daily.  After talking to his doctor, I recently made the decision to switch to formula.  I already watched one baby struggle to eat and put on weight for months and I was not about to see it happen to Rogue.

This decision was so so hard.  Everyone around me breastfeeds.

I belong to a baby group who is 110% pro nursing and I felt very ashamed to even say I was formula feeding.
There are moms who can keep nursing through reflux.  But with my low supply issues to begin with, it just wasn't the best decision for my Rogue.

There are so many choices parents have to make:

breastfeeding or formula fed

disposable or cloth diapers

co-sleeping or not

working or staying home

making baby food or buying it

to vaccinate or not

And regardless of the above decisions, I think the most important thing a parent can do for their baby is to LOVE them.  For Shaun and I, raising our kids in a Godly home takes priority above everything else.

Moms can be very judgmental of each other.  Me included.  I used to judge those formula feeding mommas before having kids.  Never thought God would give me reflux babies, making nursing extremely difficult.  I have taken a slice of humble pie and will now proudly say I am one of them.

If there's one thing this has taught me, it's not to be so quick to judge others.  Everyone's situation is different and until you walk a mile in their shoes, you really don't know what their life is like.  I've learned to be more supportive of moms for the decision they make for their families.  To build them up, not tear them down.

Yes, formula is butt expensive (especially the spit up kind, which you can't buy generic of!) and it smells so gross BUT Rogue is gaining weight and thriving.  I am SO much less stressed and even though he has reflux still, I am more relaxed and better able to handle it than I did with Solis.

I hope this post can encourage any mom out there who might be struggling with the decision to stop nursing for whatever reason.  It's ok.  I won't judge you one bit :)

John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another."